home.

this is my 6th post of the month and i think i can officially say I don't have a life anymore because I actually have time to rant on my blog for two straight days. LOL.

well, first its because I work in an office, at a table with a dumbass computer but thank god for internet. In between work and lunch break, this is what I do. Go online. Rite now this very second, I have a ton of work BUT I can't stop typing on on the keyboard.

I had inspiration and u can never never ignore inspiration even if u risk of getting fired.

(lepak2 minum coffee sambil kemas handbag and keluarkan stationaries.. a thought crossed my mind.... let's write about 'HOME'.. so i turn towards the comp and start typing.)

I FEEL LIKE I belong somewhere now (HOW CLICHE IS THAT?!!) Not just in my own home but also in someone else's home. this is all new to me, at first it was pretty awkward (for me je! orang lain chill!) but I feel comfortable now.

the last relationship I had, the mother thought i was not good enough, not pretty, not rich and and not smart enough for her son. and stupidly, even with a few arguments with her. yes. she actually called and told me off, telling me how terrible of a person i was. haih...

AND i sticked around for that for quite some time..

so, now u get why it took me off guard to be welcome in a home that's not mine. imagine this, being there every weekend, being fed with the most amazing food (reason why i go to gym now) and actually being showered with love by every member of the house. I mean, it could not get any better than that.

I guess after seeing what my mum went through and still goes through, maybe God loves me enough to turn the karma around for the daughter. Trust me, I'm not gonna throw this away just like that.. all my life, I've seen my brother gets this and I think now at last is my turn. yes, I thank God for this.

and the more amazing part is, I didn't do anything. All I did was waltz in, smile and be myself. So tell me, do u you really think i'm gonna throw something I've wanted for so long which I didn't even have to work hard for??

OBVIOUSLY NOT!!

P/S: I got a Kain Songket. AND IT'S THE THEME FOR RAYA IN THE NADZRI'S FAMILY NEXT YEAR. how AWESOME is that???!!!

pp/s: how lucky am I? :D

5th post.

in Bangsar, suppose to be working but it seems there's no work for me today. bored out of my skull and stupid of me. didn't think of ranting out on my blog..

last weekend was surrounded by the ppL i sayang and I had a lot a lot a lot of fun. which was awesome. did something very random that even took me by surprised. went to LcCt to pick up someone at 130am with a girlfriend of mine and slept-over at that person's home. :)

at last, yesterday, a Sunday, I was able to fix my shoes.. a gorgeous black and red pair but sadly, missing their buckles. and fixed mama's handbag. yay. now, all I have to do is fix my laptop which i accidentally left it at his house. tak sengaje la..

i haven't found what topic yet to write about, so i'm going on and on, still typing and and still not sure what I'm writing about. this makes my brain feel pathetic and useless.

maybe i should write about my work experience for the last 5 days. of course, undeniably. this work is hectic except for today. wake up early, go home late and to avoid traffic, I joined the gym in Bangsar II so boleh excercise after work.

the most awesome part is that my boss, my hunky boss goes to the same gym as I do.
during our brief 'moment' in the pantry.. (sumpah i sound like a sick person.. eiwww..)

hot boss: Owh, are u going to the gym today?

me: yea, i am going. are u going during lunch?

hot boss: no, no.. I'm going after work.

me: realy? me too.. see u there after work then.

hot boss: haha. okay. (and walked out of the pantry)

me: (tengah imagine boss dalam gym clothes. haha)

it's true, what they say. writing is THERAPEUTIC. I'm much calmer now, not bored out of my skull anymore (maybe slightly), and just heaved a big sigh. LOL. i'm trying to let my thoughts flow through my fingers but it just seem to be stuck halfway..

this is a crappy post but i'm posting it anyway. :P

lunch time.

I'm posting a blog during my lunchtime at the office. today's my fourth day working here

which I've decided that it's incredibly awesome. but nevermind about that.

if you're wondering why I'm at my desk during lunch time instead of eating lunch. that's the problem. I don't feel like eating caused by that big piece of chunk in me that's missing now. it's no biggie, but just have to go through this feeling for another 24 hours and I'll be fine.

I'm in of those modes where I'm out of my comfort zone, slightly scared but not to worry. I have supportive friends all around me. yay. :D big smile for me. I know I haven't said the cause of me being like this cuz I'm still dancing around the issue. haha. I just wanna say how I feel first, then I'd tell what's the problem.. btw, i'm fine.

my feelings first, cuz it's my blog and i'm typing. so don't u bloody call me selfish.

back to topic.

Just slightly sluggish from the state I am in. How do i say this without revealing too much info? I'm not obligated to write this out but I need to challege myself. for there is nothing else to do now during my lunch break...

okay, I'm all sluggish and numb cuz it takes one hour of flight out of Malaysia to fix me. so we're talking bout different countries here. meaning no calls, no text no emails.. and we're talking about a man's sport here. so hands down i won't win. heee..

no no, I'm fine. it's just this sluggish feeling I have. I'm still doing work and talking to people.

( I dont know if sluggish is the right term, but as long as people get what I mean)

another reason i'm not out for lunch is cuz i'm waiting for my dad to come and pass my handphone. can't u believe it?? me, mua?! forgot my handphone. one of the most precious things in my life. (u dummy, not becuz of the price of the phone, it's cuz i can't call the ppl i love!)

maybe I'm in a worse state than I thought. but takpe la.. i'm not suicidal or planning to do anything crazy (YET!).. so i'm still fine...

i've been saying i'm fine so many times in this post, i think i'm trying to persuade myself to be fine more than telling people i'm fine. but nevermind.

first day on the job.

so rite now is my semester break. I just finished my first semester of my first year of my BLS.
and I'm already doing internship at one of the most awesomest (if there r such words) law firms in the heart of KL.

fine, it's situated in Jalan Ara, Bangsar. the firm is actually in one of those big bungalows that was turned into a business venture. it's my first day. had to really focus to give a good impression cause papa hooked me up with this job. which i thank him for. i won't be able to get this awesome job if not for him.

woke up early, 6am.. dragging my towel around the house mara2, wondering where the hell is the sun.. okay, after dah siap (which was 640am) ambil bekal makanan and went off to work..

arrived work at 730am, work starts at 830am.. the secretary there which i lupe nama introduced me to a few of my new co-workers.. it was a drag until my gorgeous boss walked in..

this guy. 6 footer, gorgeous, with english too perfect and intense stare. damn damn damn.

he called me, throw shit loads of instructions.

1. read a page on the High Court Rule. tak faham a shit.
2. get another book to help me understand better. Malaysian Court Practice.
3. get a case from that book.
4. photocopy the case.
5. highlight the obiter dicta.
6. go to kL high court.
7. back in office after 3 hours.
8. help lawyers with office work.
9 got stuck in traffic for one hour.

i think i knocked on his door 25 kali kut. hahahahaha.

that's my first day on the job. tomorrow, im expected to be in court at 9am for a huge case.. wow, excited gile..

i think i know why i love this job compared to other interns on their first day. which kindda suck sebenarnye. everyone in the office knows my dad, so they can't really bully me like they usually do. but i tak nak. i want the hardcore office work where the junior always kena bully.

no junior intern gets to go to court on the first day and i got to do it. I'm getting the privileges of a normal practicing lawyer, which suck cuz i didn't have to earn it the right way. fine fine, it's a big advantage but it makes me sound like a spoiled brat, so kali ni agak tak suke.

the office staffs are awesome, they helped me a lot. gave me directions and all.. told me what to do.. helped me through out the day..

so thats about it on my first day on the job.

clueless.

my best friend just dropped a bombshell on me.

a mutual acquaintance of ours is getting married. Yes, marriage is apart of life but I really have to critize the timing of this.

He's only 19 years old. (and no, I'm not kidding) It's a total dissapointment on my side. not becuz I want him but I think it's a step too big to be taking at this age. he graduated from a very very prestigious high school, he was suppose to be a big shot..

FINE, I'm being very prejudice here but I can't help it. don't mind me if u have your own opinion.. if tak puas hati, u can shove it up ur ass la. sumpah tak kisah..

before i start getting really pissed off, baik i continue with my post.

I've known this person for a long long time. since I was 9 actually, (so tak leh la guna acquaintance sebenarnye, but ego) and I broke the news to mum. SHOULD HAVE SEEN HER REACTION.

let's see why I'm acting this way. first example. tengok la BRITNEY SPEARS. i mean come on, she has all the money in the world, the power in the world but she made the mistake of marrying too early and look where it got her...

K-Fed was seeing around LA flaunting superbikes and a lifestyle he didn't slaved for.

she's in rehab and hospitalized, and not to mention her life recorded by every paparazzi in hollywood. tell me... don't I have a good point lashing out rite now?

I have nothing against marriage. i wanna get married, have gorgeous kids and with a husband who loves me. but please, marriage is a huge thing.

it's not just the getting married part, its also the whole staying together in sickness or in health, during the goods and the bads.. that takes a lot of courage to do.. so at 19, you think u can handle that?

entah2 at 30, 40 or even 50 pun tak sure boleh handle those things ke tak.. fine.. i tau jodoh di tangan Tuhan, bak kate mama la.. BUT STILLLLLLLL.....
gile tak puas hati kay.

yesterday, while flipping through the day's newspaper, i came acrossed an article.

An 80 year old man killed his wife for asking for a divorce.. the wife was 79 years old. any objections here??

honestly, do you think getting married at 19 is a good idea? nowadays, people get married after they're financially stable and think they can handle the married life.

LISTEN HERE. don't get marry cuz that's your only shred of happiness after a lifetime of shitty childhood memories. it won't help ur marriage life. tolong la.. fikir la betul2 kalau nak kahwin..

it could be a lifetime of mistakes... what if things go all wrong after marriage at 19? and when u decide to get out of it, you found out she's pregnant.. hownowbrowncow?

shish kebabs.. people nowadays don't think things through anymore. jump into bad decisions and get stuck with it all their lives. *sigh*

me.

yes, that sounds very vain. but that is what I'll be talking about for my first post..

I've had 2 blogs in the past, both deleted cuz it was full of crap and reminded me of my past..
which, kalau boleh ingin di-delete off from my memory too.

it's November, almost the end of 2009. surprisingly, this year has been the fastest, most dramatic and stressful year of my life. or maybe I'm just being a drama queen. or MAYBE i'm not. entah..

okay, let's see. I'm not going into details bout those dramatic moments and situations. takpe takpe. first, things are better now. I mean, still ade pening kiri kanan sikit over unnecessary issues butl can tolerate.

This past year, I've dealt with issues no other human being should ever go through. it hurts but it taught me a good lesson. self-respect.

first, if ure in pain.. don't stick around. i'm talking bout physically and emotionally. how much pain u asked? u'll know when your gut tells u. usually it's when u start getting all depressed all the time, thinking of hurting urself 24/7, 7/11.., and u stop onlining your facebook account..

start respecting yourself..

second chances.. amazingly, these 2 words are amazing!! haha. never thought i'd get it but I did. cheh.. typical princess. sume nak, dapat..
I blew my first chance by dengan bodohnye, threw it in the longkang. BUT after a few incidents i call fate, i got my second chance. awesome kan kan kan...

Hope was dead. until recently. remember when u were young, u imagine yourself in that princess fairytale where you live happily ever after. hah! i dapat. kena work on it, but it payed off.
at one point, I could have trade my sister for this small amount of feeling.. but lucky enough, I don't have to. yay..!!

and I'm 19. I've not been acting my age till recently cuz of school, work, a few events and ex boyfriends. jangan risau. i'm all better now. tak nak this feeling wear off.

dah.. i'm done here. toodles.