Wednesday, December 23, 2009

mum's advice.

It has been a long and tiring day. To make it worse, mama's long lost dusty advice popped in my mind.
Syaz, you're young. why the fuss about boyfriends?

Thinking bout her advice now brings tears to my eyes. How her advice is kicking me to the curb right now. erghh! I hate when I start questioning myself and of course this was triggered by an emotional event the night before.

I'm sick of being considerate. Why can't I be selfish? Why can't I just think about myself? Why can't a guy in a Range Rover wants me as his wife?

This memory lane suck. The dark, twisted, hurricane side of me. I hate it. Where the fuck did those colourful butterflies and sunny rainbows when? Come back. How shamelessly I can demand something so unreal. It's probably from all those twilight series books I've been reading.
And those sappy movies I've been watching too much.

Stupid motherfucking love seeds sneakily planted in me! I blame Disney Princesses.. Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty..

Saturday, December 19, 2009


I miss him terribly.

I wanna make things right.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Last Day on the Job.

On the 16th December 2009 was my last day on the job. After 23 days of work, sad to say my time is up.

It's true how time flies by when you're having fun and I did have fun working here. There may a few slow days and some days I don't even have time to have lunch but that's the fun facts of having a 9 to 5 job. (more like 8 to 6 tho).

The stress, the fatigue I've been going through has been all worth it. I won't be able to pick out a better set of people to work with and to work for and even had a small taste of work politics.

Moreover, the driving to and from work has been a good experience, tought me how to drive better and be more independent. (being a princess and all) One of the few, precious experience working here was my first trip to High Court, KL.

First, it was my lack of knowledge on the location of the place. Then, the need for the right directions. I am a person who does not like driving felt like she was thrown to the sharks on her first day on the job!
The fear of arriving late and getting lost was on my mind the whole time I was driving. But lucky enough, with the help of a Chambering Student from work (thank god!) and a little bit of faith, I arrived 60 minutes before the second half of the trial begin on that day. I even skipped lunch. That's how nervous I was.

Enough bout my lack of driving skills.

To show my maturity side, now I understand how it feels to be my dad and workaholic aunties and uncles. Coming home to a hectic home, screaming siblings. shish! I could have sold off my own brother for some peace and quiet.

Trips to the gym was awesome too. An hour or two of cardio everyday made a lot of difference to my psychological being. I don't THINK I'm fat as much as I used to. it's like killing two birds with one stone. Go gym, no traffic.. awesome kan? OWH OWH OWH.! I learn how to manage my time.


This is my boss. His name is Mr. TommyThomas, (check out the sign behind us)
He drives a Jaguar too. XF.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

50 dumb blonde quotes.

1) Paris Hilton talking to press about the US chain store: "Wal-Mart... do they like make walls there?

2) Jessica Simpson on NewleyWeds: "Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken by the Sea.' "

3) Alicia Silverstone on her role in Clueless: "I think that the film was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness.
4) Chantelle Houghton when Big Brother said she had changed since becoming a celebrity: "I've changed? What do you mean... I've changed my clothes?"

5) Jodie Marsh in a recent interview: "Eskimos are uncivilised because they don't have any shops.

6) Paris Hilton on her technique on the red carpet: "I don't really think, I just walk."

7) Jessica Simpson on her first day at high school: "A teacher asked us if anybody knew the names of the continents. I was sooo excited. I was like, Damn it! It's my first day of 7th grade, I'm in junior high and I know this answer. So I raised my hand, I was the first one, and I said A-E-I-O-U!"

8) Goldie Hawn on her favourite types of films: "Comedy is funny".

9) Sam Fox on fitness clothes: "I've got 10 pairs of training shoes - one for every day of the week

10) Britney Spears on her taste in clothes: "So many people have asked me how I could possibly be a role model and dress like a tramp and get implants... all I have to say is that self-esteem is how you look at yourself and I feel good enough about myself so wear that kind of clothing... the breast implant issue has nothing to do with that..."

11) BB's Helen Adam's on education: "The worst thing is when the press call me a dizzy blonde - I got a B in Drama, a D in English, I did a hairdressing course and a beauty certificate."

12) Lady Victoria Hervey on the homeless: "It's so bad being homeless in winter. They should go somewhere warm like the Caribbean where they can eat fresh fish all day."

13) Britney Spears on Japan: "I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa."

14) Jessica Simpson when offered buffalo wings: "Sorry I don't eat buffalo."

15) Paris Hilton on her fame: "There's nobody in the world like me. I think every decade has an iconic blonde, like Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana and, right now, I'm that icon."

16) Chantelle Houghton on George Galloway: "He looks at us like we're stupid, scatty, uneducated girls. He's a right chauvinistic pig, whatever that means!"

17) Cameron Diaz on science: "I've been noticing gravity since I was very young."

18) Britney Spears on where she might start her theatre career: "I would rather start out somewhere small, like London or England."

19) BB's Helen Adams on magic man Paul Daniels: "Yeah, you know Jack Daniels... he does all the magic stuff!

20) Christina Alguilera on film festivals: "So where's the Cannes film festival being held this year?"

21) Paris Hilton on her career choices: "First wanted to be a veterinarian. And then I realised you had to give them shots to put them to sleep, so I decided I'd just buy a bunch of animals and have them in my house instead.

22) Alicia Douvall on motherhood: "I think a 16-year-old with a nice, sexy figure will do really well as a model as long as she's managed well. That's why I'm happy for Georgia to have a boob job because it will give her a career."

23) Chantelle Houghton on hearing George Galloway was an MP: "Does that mean you work in that big room with the green seats?

24) Britney on capital punishment: "I am for the death penalty. Who commits terrible acts must get a fitting punishment. That way he learns the lesson for the next time."

25) BB2's Helen Adams on pulses: "How much chicken is there in chick peas?"

26) Chanelle Hayes on her Posh spice obsession: "I like what she (Victoria Beckham) wears. That's what magazines are all about - there's always a picture of a celebrity and where to buy a replica of what they're wearing. It's not as if I'm doing anything weird."

27) Paris Hilton on her title: "I don't want to be known as the Hilton heiress, because I didn't do anything for that."

28) Tara Reid on her fellow blonde celeb: "I make Jessica Simpson look like a rock scientist."

29) Ivana Trump on literature: "Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything.
30) Christina Aguilera on herself: "I'm an ocean, because I'm really deep. If you search deep enough you can find rare exotic treasures."

31) Britney Spears on her first tour: "Where the hell is Australia anyway?"

32) Alicia Douvall on surgery: "I know it (plastic surgeries) will kill me. But I'd rather die trying to sort things out."

33) Jodie Marsh on cooking: "Is an egg a vegetable?"

34) Kimberly Stewart on Jennifer Aniston: "I like her cos she's like, homely. She must have something else going on cos it's not like she's gorgeous or anything."

35) Jessica Simpson on her mood at the VH1 '05 video awards: "Isn't it weird I'm getting all emotionable."
36) Helen Adams on BB2 : "I probably sound Welsh on the telly."

37) Mariah Carey on the death of the King of Jordan: "I loved Jordan. He was one of the greatest athletes of our time."

38) Chantelle Houghton on different types of doctors: "What's a gynaecologist?"

39) Pamela Anderson on her secret to success: "I don't think about anything too
much . . . If I think too much, it kind of freaks me out!"

40) Ivana Trump on getting one over on her ex's new girlfriend: "Gorgeous hair is the best revenge."

41) Brooke Shields on her campaign against smoking: "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."

42) Heather Locklear on being proud of her heritage: "From an early age I was aware of what America meant, and how the Marines at Camp Pendleton were ready to defend us at a moment's notice. I also remember what fabulous bodies those troops had."

43) Jessica Simpson on her scantily clad videos: "I'm definitely shy, so it was definitely acting for me to drop a trench coat and be in a bikini and try to get my cousins out of trouble by using my body. That was definitely acting!"

44) Chantelle Houghton working out the shopping budget: "Eleventy-twelve pence? I don't get it. How much is that then?"

45) Britney on why she did a cover of I Love Rock and Roll: "I always loved Pat Benatar.

46) Emma Bunton on moobs: "I wish men had boobs because I like the feel of them. It's so funny - when I record I sing with a hand over each of them, maybe it's a
comfort thing."

47) Cyndi Crawford on modelling: "In the studio, I do try to have a thought in my head, so that it's not like a blank stare."

48) The late Anna Nicole Smith on suicide bombers: "Doesn't that hurt?"

49) Jessica Simpson to the President when visiting the White House: "I love what you've done with the place!"

50) Mischa Barton on being blessed with looks: "Pretty people aren't as accepted as other people. It comes with all these stigmas."

Sunday, December 6, 2009

City of Angels

The thought about writing this movie has been nagging in my mind for so long, I can't hold it in much longer.
every single time i watch this movie, confirm nangis.

City of Angels, a movie placed in Los Angeles where angels in black trench coats walk around the city. An angel, Seth Plates (the hot Nicholas Cage) fell in love with a no nonsense, very serious surgeon Maggie Rice (Meg Ryan).

Describing Seth:
Messenger, an ex-angel explains to Maggie (Ryan) about Seth.
"Seth knows no fear,no pain, no hunger.
He hears music in the sunrise.
But he'd give it all up. He loves you that much."

This movie is a classic. A movie where love conquers all.
I still do believe these sappy kind of stories exist in real life (minus the angel). I can't help it, how could u not fall in love with something so real and magical at the same time?

I downloaded the scripts of the movie. the movie is form by simple, straightforward conversations with full emotions. tell me who can direct this sort of thing? Only a genius can.
the simplicity of the actors, Meg Ryan without make up (or probably minimum) through out the whole movie shows how our genius here wants to portray the most honest love story a person can watch and even Cage with only and only black clothes almost through out the movie shows the director's ability to project a solemn, dark character in a beautiful angel.

the raw energy and pure love in this movie is amazing. I mean hands down, I've never seen a better love story in Hollywood after city of angels.

The thing is, these beautiful angels are so curious about human beings and their abilities. the ability to touch, to taste, to lie. it's all being discussed in the movie. their curiosity pricks on mine, why would u question all that when you're an angel.

"If you'd known this
was going to happen...
...would you have done it?

I would rather have had... breath of her hair... kiss of her mouth... touch of her hand...

...than an eternity without it.


Wednesday, December 2, 2009


First blog of the month. I have been restraining myself from writing any more blogs for November, dont wanna appear any more lame as I already am. :D

Two days ago on 30th November, 12 of us BJRIANS gathered at 1130pm to celebrate my best friend's birthday in front of her house. Intan Maryam born on the 1st December 1990.

She is officially now 19 years old. YAY! *big round of applause*

but most importantly, I had fun! we all did actually. thank u for those who made it. :)

rite now I'm at the office, it's 618pm and I am officially stuck here. I can't go to gym. First reason, I didn't bring any gym clothes.
it seems I've been receiving comments on how I've been pushing myself too much at gym so I need a break. Not missing much anyway, it's Wednesday. cardio classes are BORING.

right now, the purpose of writing this blog is just to let off steam. three days straight at court listening to court submission which I find it very interesting and almost hilarious.
how lawyers can snicker at each other and so forth.
I'll get back on court life later. ----------------------------------------------------------------> now's just ranting moment.

I rase sangat shallow cuz all I can think of is to write bout my feelings. me this, me that.

macam spoiled brat. :)

excusing myself today, this is mainly to rant out and berceloteh macam takde kerja.

rite now I'm looking at a picture of the ppl I grew up with. literally have been with me since I 12 tahun sampai lah sekarang.

I may not admit to them but I do love those lot. I may go around knowing a clique of friends from here and there but without a doubt, this bunch of ppl I know since muda are the ones gonna be around when I get married later on.

I always imagine myself on my wedding day with 3 tables of those crazy bunch of ppl screaming down the house telling my husband to-be what a mistake he's doing by marrying me. bodoh, I know but mark my words. it will happen!!

these ppl are the ones I can always rely on, without a doubt in my mind I know they'll be there for good or bad and I'd never have to worry about losing em. it seems they're addicted to me or something.LOL.

I may be one of the luckier human beings on earth to be able to have great awesome friends. I mean come on, let's be realistic. do u know how many cunning lil' backstabbing bitches out there? they'd do anything to bring u down for the smallest of reasons. sungguh cacat dunia ni..

Monday, November 23, 2009


this is my 6th post of the month and i think i can officially say I don't have a life anymore because I actually have time to rant on my blog for two straight days. LOL.
well, first its because I work in an office, at a table with a dumbass computer but thank god for internet. In between work and lunch break, this is what I do. Go online. Rite now this very second, I have a ton of work BUT I can't stop typing on on the keyboard.
I had inspiration and u can never never ignore inspiration even if u risk of getting fired.
(lepak2 minum coffee sambil kemas handbag and keluarkan stationaries.. a thought crossed my mind.... let's write about 'HOME'.. so i turn towards the comp and start typing.)
I FEEL LIKE I belong somewhere now (HOW CLICHE IS THAT?!!) Not just in my own home but also in someone else's home. this is all new to me, at first it was pretty awkward (for me je! orang lain chill!) but I feel comfortable now.
the last relationship I had, the mother thought i was not good enough, not pretty, not rich and and not smart enough for her son. and stupidly, even with a few arguments with her. yes. she actually called and told me off, telling me how terrible of a person i was. haih...
AND i sticked around for that for quite some time..
so, now u get why it took me off guard to be welcome in a home that's not mine. imagine this, being there every weekend, being fed with the most amazing food (reason why i go to gym now) and actually being showered with love by every member of the house. I mean, it could not get any better than that.
I guess after seeing what my mum went through and still goes through, maybe God loves me enough to turn the karma around for the daughter. Trust me, I'm not gonna throw this away just like that.. all my life, I've seen my brother gets this and I think now at last is my turn. yes, I thank God for this.
and the more amazing part is, I didn't do anything. All I did was waltz in, smile and be myself. So tell me, do u you really think i'm gonna throw something I've wanted for so long which I didn't even have to work hard for??
pp/s: how lucky am I? :D

Sunday, November 22, 2009

5th post.

in Bangsar, suppose to be working but it seems there's no work for me today. bored out of my skull and stupid of me. didn't think of ranting out on my blog..

last weekend was surrounded by the ppL i sayang and I had a lot a lot a lot of fun. which was awesome. did something very random that even took me by surprised. went to LcCt to pick up someone at 130am with a girlfriend of mine and slept-over at that person's home. :)

at last, yesterday, a Sunday, I was able to fix my shoes.. a gorgeous black and red pair but sadly, missing their buckles. and fixed mama's handbag. yay. now, all I have to do is fix my laptop which i accidentally left it at his house. tak sengaje la..

i haven't found what topic yet to write about, so i'm going on and on, still typing and and still not sure what I'm writing about. this makes my brain feel pathetic and useless.

maybe i should write about my work experience for the last 5 days. of course, undeniably. this work is hectic except for today. wake up early, go home late and to avoid traffic, I joined the gym in Bangsar II so boleh excercise after work.

the most awesome part is that my boss, my hunky boss goes to the same gym as I do.
during our brief 'moment' in the pantry.. (sumpah i sound like a sick person.. eiwww..)

hot boss: Owh, are u going to the gym today?

me: yea, i am going. are u going during lunch?

hot boss: no, no.. I'm going after work.

me: realy? me too.. see u there after work then.

hot boss: haha. okay. (and walked out of the pantry)

me: (tengah imagine boss dalam gym clothes. haha)

it's true, what they say. writing is THERAPEUTIC. I'm much calmer now, not bored out of my skull anymore (maybe slightly), and just heaved a big sigh. LOL. i'm trying to let my thoughts flow through my fingers but it just seem to be stuck halfway..

this is a crappy post but i'm posting it anyway. :P

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

lunch time.

I'm posting a blog during my lunchtime at the office. today's my fourth day working here
which I've decided that it's incredibly awesome. but nevermind about that.
if you're wondering why I'm at my desk during lunch time instead of eating lunch. that's the problem. I don't feel like eating caused by that big piece of chunk in me that's missing now. it's no biggie, but just have to go through this feeling for another 24 hours and I'll be fine.
I'm in of those modes where I'm out of my comfort zone, slightly scared but not to worry. I have supportive friends all around me. yay. :D big smile for me. I know I haven't said the cause of me being like this cuz I'm still dancing around the issue. haha. I just wanna say how I feel first, then I'd tell what's the problem.. btw, i'm fine.
my feelings first, cuz it's my blog and i'm typing. so don't u bloody call me selfish.
back to topic.
Just slightly sluggish from the state I am in. How do i say this without revealing too much info? I'm not obligated to write this out but I need to challege myself. for there is nothing else to do now during my lunch break...
okay, I'm all sluggish and numb cuz it takes one hour of flight out of Malaysia to fix me. so we're talking bout different countries here. meaning no calls, no text no emails.. and we're talking about a man's sport here. so hands down i won't win. heee..
no no, I'm fine. it's just this sluggish feeling I have. I'm still doing work and talking to people.
( I dont know if sluggish is the right term, but as long as people get what I mean)
another reason i'm not out for lunch is cuz i'm waiting for my dad to come and pass my handphone. can't u believe it?? me, mua?! forgot my handphone. one of the most precious things in my life. (u dummy, not becuz of the price of the phone, it's cuz i can't call the ppl i love!)
maybe I'm in a worse state than I thought. but takpe la.. i'm not suicidal or planning to do anything crazy (YET!).. so i'm still fine...
i've been saying i'm fine so many times in this post, i think i'm trying to persuade myself to be fine more than telling people i'm fine. but nevermind.

Monday, November 16, 2009

first day on the job.

so rite now is my semester break. I just finished my first semester of my first year of my BLS.
and I'm already doing internship at one of the most awesomest (if there r such words) law firms in the heart of KL.

fine, it's situated in Jalan Ara, Bangsar. the firm is actually in one of those big bungalows that was turned into a business venture. it's my first day. had to really focus to give a good impression cause papa hooked me up with this job. which i thank him for. i won't be able to get this awesome job if not for him.

woke up early, 6am.. dragging my towel around the house mara2, wondering where the hell is the sun.. okay, after dah siap (which was 640am) ambil bekal makanan and went off to work..

arrived work at 730am, work starts at 830am.. the secretary there which i lupe nama introduced me to a few of my new co-workers.. it was a drag until my gorgeous boss walked in..

this guy. 6 footer, gorgeous, with english too perfect and intense stare. damn damn damn.

he called me, throw shit loads of instructions.

1. read a page on the High Court Rule. tak faham a shit.
2. get another book to help me understand better. Malaysian Court Practice.
3. get a case from that book.
4. photocopy the case.
5. highlight the obiter dicta.
6. go to kL high court.
7. back in office after 3 hours.
8. help lawyers with office work.
9 got stuck in traffic for one hour.

i think i knocked on his door 25 kali kut. hahahahaha.

that's my first day on the job. tomorrow, im expected to be in court at 9am for a huge case.. wow, excited gile..

i think i know why i love this job compared to other interns on their first day. which kindda suck sebenarnye. everyone in the office knows my dad, so they can't really bully me like they usually do. but i tak nak. i want the hardcore office work where the junior always kena bully.

no junior intern gets to go to court on the first day and i got to do it. I'm getting the privileges of a normal practicing lawyer, which suck cuz i didn't have to earn it the right way. fine fine, it's a big advantage but it makes me sound like a spoiled brat, so kali ni agak tak suke.

the office staffs are awesome, they helped me a lot. gave me directions and all.. told me what to do.. helped me through out the day..

so thats about it on my first day on the job.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


my best friend just dropped a bombshell on me.

a mutual acquaintance of ours is getting married. Yes, marriage is apart of life but I really have to critize the timing of this.

He's only 19 years old. (and no, I'm not kidding) It's a total dissapointment on my side. not becuz I want him but I think it's a step too big to be taking at this age. he graduated from a very very prestigious high school, he was suppose to be a big shot..

FINE, I'm being very prejudice here but I can't help it. don't mind me if u have your own opinion.. if tak puas hati, u can shove it up ur ass la. sumpah tak kisah..

before i start getting really pissed off, baik i continue with my post.

I've known this person for a long long time. since I was 9 actually, (so tak leh la guna acquaintance sebenarnye, but ego) and I broke the news to mum. SHOULD HAVE SEEN HER REACTION.

let's see why I'm acting this way. first example. tengok la BRITNEY SPEARS. i mean come on, she has all the money in the world, the power in the world but she made the mistake of marrying too early and look where it got her...

K-Fed was seeing around LA flaunting superbikes and a lifestyle he didn't slaved for.

she's in rehab and hospitalized, and not to mention her life recorded by every paparazzi in hollywood. tell me... don't I have a good point lashing out rite now?

I have nothing against marriage. i wanna get married, have gorgeous kids and with a husband who loves me. but please, marriage is a huge thing.

it's not just the getting married part, its also the whole staying together in sickness or in health, during the goods and the bads.. that takes a lot of courage to do.. so at 19, you think u can handle that?

entah2 at 30, 40 or even 50 pun tak sure boleh handle those things ke tak.. fine.. i tau jodoh di tangan Tuhan, bak kate mama la.. BUT STILLLLLLLL.....
gile tak puas hati kay.

yesterday, while flipping through the day's newspaper, i came acrossed an article.

An 80 year old man killed his wife for asking for a divorce.. the wife was 79 years old. any objections here??

honestly, do you think getting married at 19 is a good idea? nowadays, people get married after they're financially stable and think they can handle the married life.

LISTEN HERE. don't get marry cuz that's your only shred of happiness after a lifetime of shitty childhood memories. it won't help ur marriage life. tolong la.. fikir la betul2 kalau nak kahwin..

it could be a lifetime of mistakes... what if things go all wrong after marriage at 19? and when u decide to get out of it, you found out she's pregnant.. hownowbrowncow?

shish kebabs.. people nowadays don't think things through anymore. jump into bad decisions and get stuck with it all their lives. *sigh*

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


yes, that sounds very vain. but that is what I'll be talking about for my first post..

I've had 2 blogs in the past, both deleted cuz it was full of crap and reminded me of my past..
which, kalau boleh ingin di-delete off from my memory too.

it's November, almost the end of 2009. surprisingly, this year has been the fastest, most dramatic and stressful year of my life. or maybe I'm just being a drama queen. or MAYBE i'm not. entah..

okay, let's see. I'm not going into details bout those dramatic moments and situations. takpe takpe. first, things are better now. I mean, still ade pening kiri kanan sikit over unnecessary issues butl can tolerate.

This past year, I've dealt with issues no other human being should ever go through. it hurts but it taught me a good lesson. self-respect.

first, if ure in pain.. don't stick around. i'm talking bout physically and emotionally. how much pain u asked? u'll know when your gut tells u. usually it's when u start getting all depressed all the time, thinking of hurting urself 24/7, 7/11.., and u stop onlining your facebook account..

start respecting yourself..

second chances.. amazingly, these 2 words are amazing!! haha. never thought i'd get it but I did. cheh.. typical princess. sume nak, dapat..
I blew my first chance by dengan bodohnye, threw it in the longkang. BUT after a few incidents i call fate, i got my second chance. awesome kan kan kan...

Hope was dead. until recently. remember when u were young, u imagine yourself in that princess fairytale where you live happily ever after. hah! i dapat. kena work on it, but it payed off.
at one point, I could have trade my sister for this small amount of feeling.. but lucky enough, I don't have to. yay..!!

and I'm 19. I've not been acting my age till recently cuz of school, work, a few events and ex boyfriends. jangan risau. i'm all better now. tak nak this feeling wear off.

dah.. i'm done here. toodles.